wakey wakey hands off snakey
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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