Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Randomize
