if only i could text you this smell
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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