he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
