nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize