I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
