i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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