she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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