a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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