Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
