chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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