1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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