Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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