she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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