I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
