Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
