Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
