I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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