They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
