we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
