Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
