I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
