I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
