theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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