this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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