whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
