he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
