Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
