none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
