I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
