ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
