Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
