I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You are a genius and a whore.
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