Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize