Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
