Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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