your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
His hands were made for my vagina.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
