don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize