im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
