I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
