This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
