Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
