Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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