so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
