You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
