Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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