Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
