Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
