I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
