Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
