Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
