There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize