Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize