i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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