your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
