remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
