My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
PANTIES FOUND
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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