Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
