Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
