saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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