Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So much Jack, so little girl.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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