Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
