Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
