I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
