were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
