for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
