At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize