i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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