Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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