Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
